Stuck in between momentous momentum equations in physics and inexplainable inequalities in math, it's not too surprising that the euphemism, 'high probability of statistical failure', pops up in our minds after we sit an exam. Jumbled and confused, with our minds effectively beaten to sodden pulp, we are of as much use as a group of mentally unsound carnivorous trolls which have just discovered that they have consumed an alarming amount of laxative. Again.
So, to be on the safe side, it's highly recommendable to avoid asking any such question(s) which may lead to this answer once you've emerged from an exam room. A polite nod or a weary wave of the hand will suffice when walking through the crowd of lifeless zombies outside, once vaguely recognizable as your classmates. Then, once you're certain you're far enough to make a wild dash for it, or far enough to fight off anyone who may decide to hug you, talk to you or feed on your flesh (depending on their mood, of course), you can proceed to happily whap your head against a wall for a sensible amount of time. Once that's done, and once you are marginally more satisfied, you can continue to burst into tears, whine to a teacher or feed on one of your classmates' flesh (once again, entirely dependent on your mood). Step 1 - complete.
What then follows is popularly known as, or rather, will now be popularly known as, is the Rapid Fire Round or the RFR. Once a minuscule portion of mental capacity cautiously sidles back into the minds of everyone outside, all hell breaks loose and it's time to run. It's truly futile though: within seconds, you'll find yourself trapped in a situation where you experience something quite similar to what a vegetable does (or did?) in a heavy-duty food blender. Here's a tip - make sure you remember each answer of the exam, to at least seven significant figures, in no prerequisite order, because trust me, you'll be asked all of them. Repeatedly. Often several times in the same sentence by the same person who doesn't even have the same subject as you.
If you can't recall them, and haven't yet mastered the art of inner self peace or bought sound canceling headphones... you're finished. Quite frankly, an insect under the front wheel of a ten ton monster truck overfilled with twenty people and a dog has a better chance of survival than you can dream of having. Step 2 - acknowledged.
If you have somehow managed to crawl your way out of that blitzkrieg, it's possible that finally, you're safe and sound. Of course, you do have to somehow travel home in a daze, stare blankly with an open mouth at an upside down book and return the next day to brave the entire thing all over again, but that's child's play.
A commonly held theory is that of natural selection. 'Only the fittest can survive': and in this mental hammering of post examination frenetic fury, only the bravest can continue to live, albeit in a semi-comatose manner.
Until next time, don't panic, re-read this guide and make sure you learn how to fake zombie-like mindless garbling and drool. Or preferably, just run for it.
So, to be on the safe side, it's highly recommendable to avoid asking any such question(s) which may lead to this answer once you've emerged from an exam room. A polite nod or a weary wave of the hand will suffice when walking through the crowd of lifeless zombies outside, once vaguely recognizable as your classmates. Then, once you're certain you're far enough to make a wild dash for it, or far enough to fight off anyone who may decide to hug you, talk to you or feed on your flesh (depending on their mood, of course), you can proceed to happily whap your head against a wall for a sensible amount of time. Once that's done, and once you are marginally more satisfied, you can continue to burst into tears, whine to a teacher or feed on one of your classmates' flesh (once again, entirely dependent on your mood). Step 1 - complete.
What then follows is popularly known as, or rather, will now be popularly known as, is the Rapid Fire Round or the RFR. Once a minuscule portion of mental capacity cautiously sidles back into the minds of everyone outside, all hell breaks loose and it's time to run. It's truly futile though: within seconds, you'll find yourself trapped in a situation where you experience something quite similar to what a vegetable does (or did?) in a heavy-duty food blender. Here's a tip - make sure you remember each answer of the exam, to at least seven significant figures, in no prerequisite order, because trust me, you'll be asked all of them. Repeatedly. Often several times in the same sentence by the same person who doesn't even have the same subject as you.
If you can't recall them, and haven't yet mastered the art of inner self peace or bought sound canceling headphones... you're finished. Quite frankly, an insect under the front wheel of a ten ton monster truck overfilled with twenty people and a dog has a better chance of survival than you can dream of having. Step 2 - acknowledged.
If you have somehow managed to crawl your way out of that blitzkrieg, it's possible that finally, you're safe and sound. Of course, you do have to somehow travel home in a daze, stare blankly with an open mouth at an upside down book and return the next day to brave the entire thing all over again, but that's child's play.
A commonly held theory is that of natural selection. 'Only the fittest can survive': and in this mental hammering of post examination frenetic fury, only the bravest can continue to live, albeit in a semi-comatose manner.
Until next time, don't panic, re-read this guide and make sure you learn how to fake zombie-like mindless garbling and drool. Or preferably, just run for it.
WOW! Platypus. But tell me one thing, how do you get pass that one person who just wont stop talking about the exam and is always around you?
ReplyDeleteInteresting question. To be honest, it's not that hard really. You may resort to barbaric cannibalism and quite rudely finish him off in a corner or you may try out the 'faint attack' which uses mild concussion, a baseball bat and a surprisingly large amount of toothpaste.
ReplyDeleteToothpaste sounds too mean :P and dangerous anyways this was interesting even though, as I know you, certain sections of this entry are just fiction. and again, I hate the recaptcha!
ReplyDelete